Fake It Till You Make It
by nikitatikin
Summary: In which Oliver runs into a slight problem and enlists Felicity's uncanny ability to make everything sound dirty to get him out of it. Rated for some not so subtle innuendos.


The island of Lian Yu taught Oliver Queen many things. Horrible, dangerous and deadly things. He did not, however, expect to find any of these things useful at a benefit dinner for Starling City's Children's Museum of Science.

Nonetheless, he was on high alert, for reasons unknown so far, as he scanned the room of well dressed social elites. He loosened his tie a bit; he knew something was wrong when he felt an icy chill go down his back, as if someone was glaring right at the back of his head.

He smoothly plucked a glass of champagne from a passing waiter's tray and turned around, trying to get a better feel on what was setting him on edge. This was the last place he wanted to be tonight, but there was no urgent Arrow business tonight, and he couldn't think of a useful excuse to tell his mother when she told him to show up. An old college friend of hers organized the event, and Moira, being Moira, wanted him mingle because, as she subtly put it, "You and I are not getting any younger and I'd like to see my grandchildren long before I'm on my death bed."

Naturally, Oliver wasn't going down alone, so he had his bodyguard and his favorite IT specialist to tag along as well. He saw Diggle standing tensely near the entrance of the hall, his eyes bouncing back and forth through the crowd. He spotted Felicity near the bar, her blonde hair falling straight down her shoulders, which were bare minus the thin straps of her little black dress. She smiled at the bartender as he set her red wine down on the counter. Her smile grew wider as he commented on her expert choice of wine, and Oliver found himself looking away.

"You ok, Oliver?" Diggle's voice sounded in his ear, "You look tense all of a sudden." He saw Felicity look up from her drink and her eyes wander the crowd to find him. He knew she heard him through her earpiece as well. Even though they weren't on a mission of any sort, Diggle still had them wear the ear pieces tonight, given the high volume of people and the even higher risk of something happening in a room full of rich people.

"I'm fine," he responded, staying in his place, "Just feel like something is off."

"That's not exactly _fine_," she said, walking away from the bar, "I trust your instincts to be right over mine any day." Her eyes finally landed on him, and she gave him a small smile. He found himself smiling back, and she made her way towards him.

She brushed some invisible dust off the shoulder of his suit jacket when she was by his side. "It's been a while since I've seen you in anything but green," she said.

"Rather be in green than be here right now," he said, taking a sip of his drink and looking over the room again.

"Oh hush, this is for children. Children!" Felicity emphasized, "Think of the babies you're helping get a better education with your bundles and bundles of money."

"Bundles?" Digg chortled.

"Yeah, why not packages of money, or sacks?" Oliver added knowingly.

"Packages and sacks?" Felicity raised an eyebrow. "Really? Do you even _hear_ yourself?" Oliver chuckled and put his hand on the small of her back to lead her to the bar again. He needed a stronger drink.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of red and almost did a double take. He caught site of a leggy redhead on the opposite side of the hall, making her way towards him with a particularly wicked look in her eye.

"Shit," he mumbled when he finally saw exactly what was setting him on edge.

"What? What happened" Diggle's voice sounded through his ear piece. Felicity looked at him with a frown. "Something wrong?"

"Yeah, just..." He stopped in his tracks, making Felicity stop as well. He looked at her, her eyes clear and blue without her glasses, and an idea suddenly sparked in his head. "I need you to do me a favor, Felicity," he said lowly, taking a step towards her.

"O...kay," she was warily with their sudden proximity, "Depends on the favor."

"I need you to be my girlfriend." He didn't realize how odd it would sound until he said it out loud.

Felicity looked at him dumbly. "Excuse me?"

"Smooth, Oliver," Diggle chimed in their ears.

Oliver gave an exasperated sigh and wrapped his arm around her waist to guide them toward a corner of the room. "I need you to pretend we're a couple," he clarified.

Felicity snorted. "Sure," she agreed. Realizing she did so a bit too quickly, she cleared her throat and added, "I mean, _sure_, but why so suddenly?"

He twisted them slightly so she could get a better view of the rest of the crowd. "See that tall redhead on the other side of the room?" He was bending to talk in her ear. To any other bystander, it would look like he was just whispering sweet nothings in her ear. She was sure she got over her crush on Oliver a while ago, given his recent re-re-fling with Laurel. She knew she could never really compete with the tall and beautiful brunette. But still, his lips were particularly close to her carotid, brushing against her skin as he talked and making it increasingly difficult for her to concentrate.

She managed to spot said women quickly though. "You mean the one that's barreling toward us like a madwoman on a mission?"

"Her name is Hayley Marshall," Oliver tried to explain quickly. He could hear the clicking of her heals as she got closer, "Long story short, we hooked up senior year of high school and she never really got over it. She hates Laurel so much that she tried to kill, her and even Tommy a few times." Felicity had to suppress a giggle at that, but he continued, "She even tried to climb up the walls of my house to get through my window. We tried to get a restraining order, but her father is a judge and a good friend of the district attorney's office."

"That's extreme for an 18 year old," Felicity said offhandedly.

"You sure the Arrow can't handle this one?" Diggle asked.

Oliver smirked, even though she didn't see it, she could feel his lips tug upward against her skin. "The Arrow, maybe. Oliver Queen though, not so much." The icy chill down his back got colder, and Oliver quickly set his champagne glass down on the table next to them. "Laugh as if I just said something funny," he told her quickly.

Felicity didn't miss a beat. She threw her head back and laughed, the sound of it ringing pleasantly in his ears. Both of his hands found their way to her waist and they held pulled her closer, his head still bowed down in her neck. Felicity, pushing down any trace of a blush and any sort of stammering, looked up to see the woman clad in a dangerously tight dark blue dress, approaching them with a vengeance. "She look terrifying," she whispered.

"I'll be close by," Diggle was saying, "Just in case she wants to make a scene. Judging by what you said, Oliver, she seems like the type."

Before he could reply, Oliver heard the unpleasantly familiar voice cut through his thoughts. "Oliver Queen, that couldn't possibly be you."

Oliver plastered on a smile and turned, one hand still would around Felicity's waist to keep her close to his side. "Hayley," he said as politely as he could, "It's been a while. How've you been?"

"Been good," she crossed her arms tightly across her chest, a dangerously inquisitive look on her face, "Getting a few modeling gigs here and there. I just got back from a shoot with Sports Illustrated before coming here." She sighed and looked at her nails, "Much rather be at a club or something than mingle with these dull people," she scoffed.

Felicity couldn't help the snort that was building up in her throat. Oliver pinched her waist slightly and cleared his throat. "That's good for you. Happy that you're doing well."

"And who is this?" She ignored his last statement and turned her attention shifted to Felicity, "She hardly seems like your usual type."

"His _girlfriend_, Felicity Smoak," Felicity smiled prettily and held out a hand for her to shake, "And you are...?"

Hayley just looked at Felicity's outstretched hand. "Hayley Marshall." She said with an obviously fake smile.

Oliver interjected. "Hayley and I went to high school together," he said, "With Tommy and Laurel, too."

"We dated in high school actually," Hayley added in rather snobbishly, "During senior year. We had rather _important_ plans to go to college together and everything, but somebody," she looked pointedly at Oliver, "had other ideas."

Felicity cocked her head to the side, "Must have not been that important for Oliver not to mention it after all these years," she said innocently, adding a smile at the end just for effect.

"I'm sure Oliver doesn't tell you everything he does," Hayley bit back through her teeth.

"Oh, I know that. But I also know _exactly_ how to make him talk," Felicity replied, her hand smoothing up his chest to make a point. Oliver just smiled and stayed put, allowing Felicity to feel him up.

"How long have you guys been together?" Hayley purposely ignored Felicity's last remark, "Usually Oliver Queen's flings are plastered all over the tabloids, no?."

"For about a year now," Felicity answered before Oliver could, "We like to keep things quiet with the media. Definitely not quiet in other places, though," she added for good measure. She heard Diggle snort from her ear piece.

"How'd you guys meet?" Hayley continued the questioning, looking more and more irked by the second, "She didn't go to high school with us, did she?"

"She actually works for Queen Consolidated," Oliver said, "As my executive assistant."

"Ah, I bet you keep him entertained during the day," Hayley said with a smirk.

"I like to use the term 'satisfied' rather than 'entertained'," Felicity said thoughtfully. Oliver covered his laughter by clearing his throat and proceeded to cut the conversation short, cautious of whatever else might come out of Felicity's mouth. "Well it was nice seeing you Hayley," he said, not so subtly blowing her off, "I think my mother is calling us over, Felicity." He tugged her waist in the opposite direction.

Said blonde threw Hayley a smile, "Nice meeting you," she said pleasantly before allowing Oliver to lead her away.

"Charmed," Hayley said through a tight smile.

When they were around the corner and out of ear shot, Felicity proceeded to burst out into laughter, holding on to Oliver's arm as she did so. Oliver chuckled as he watched her, ignoring the looks some people in the area were giving them. "Some performance," he said lightly.

"Her face!" Felicity chocked between fits of giggles, "Her face was priceless! Oh, Digg, I wish you had a camera to record that!"

"I didn't know you could say things like that so willingly," Diggle chortled through the ear piece, "That was pretty hilarious."

"None of that was intentional, I promise," Felicity said, finally catching her breath and wiping a tear from her eye.

"Your unintentional dirty mouth just saved my life," Oliver pointed out with a handsome smile.

Felicity pretended her knees didn't weaken substantially at sight, "Oh please, your over exaggerating," she waved it off with a flick of her wrist.

"Seriously though," Oliver looked her directly in the eye, "Thank you, Felicity."

Again, she was thankful she was still holding on to Oliver's arm, and smiled. "You're welcome."

Before she could say anything else, Oliver was pulling her toward the dance floor. "Oh wait, I don't dance-," she tried to say, but he wouldn't have any of it. He spun her elegantly until she giggled and held her in his arms as they swayed to the soft sounds of the jazz band. "You're still my girlfriend for the night," he said, his lips close to her ears, "And Oliver Queen's girlfriend needs to dance with him at public events."

"Ok, now I'm starting to miss the green," Felicity said jokingly, and laughed at the look on Oliver's face. Nothing else was said between the two as she laid her head on his shoulder and he moved them soundly. Diggle watched from the side and smiled at his two friends. _They'll learn soon enough._


End file.
